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Demonstrate a fearless pursuit of aukademic aukcellence by plunging, head-first of course, into these questions. Return every week for another quiz on one of the 14,000 topics in the Knowledge Master Library.

Wordplay
(Click on the question number for the answer.)
 
Presidential Anagrams
This is an anagram for what former U.S. president?
He bugs Gore.
 
Meteorological Puns
What meteorological term completes this restaurant review?
Have you tried the new restaurant
on the Moon? The food is great,
but it just doesn't have any ...
 
Personalized Plates
Which is a personalized license plate for a physician?
A. BYLOW
B. YRUILL
C. DOIOU2
D. LOCMUP
E. 4CASTR
 
Word Squares
What word is in the third line of a word square if the first two words are "hope" and "opal" and the last word is "elms"?
 
Author Anagrams
These are two anagrams for what English author?
I am a weakish speller.
We all make his praise.
 
Tortured Titles
Which is a mangled version of the title of a fairy tale about a vain male ruler?
A. Thug Lee Dock Lean
B. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
C. Hand Selling Gree Tall
D. Dearth Ray Ladle Prigs
E. Them Pour Oars Nuke Loathes
 
Euphemisms
What kind of seat is indicated in this euphemistic passage?
My brother once occupied the chair of
applied electricity in one of the state's
major institutions.
 
Palindromes
Which is not a palindrome?
A. Live not on evil.
B. Ma is as selfless as I am.
C. Ten animals I slam in a net.
D. Was it a car or a rat I saw?
E. May a moody baby doom a yam.
 
Eskimo Edifices
What word is missing from this punnish statement?
An igloo is an ---- built for two.
 
Cattle Characteristics
What one word completes this line of doggerel by Ogden Nash?
The cow is of the bovine ilk.
One end is moo - the other ...
 
Tom Swifties
What word completes this Tom Swifty?
"She tore my valentine in two," said Tom ...

A. stiffly
B. listlessly
C. sheepishly
D. infectiously
E. halfheartedly
 
Communication Anagrams
"Here come dots" is an anagram for what type of communication?
 
Historical Euphemisms
"The Peculiar Institution" was a euphemism for ...
A. euthanasia
B. slavery
C. apartheid
D. genocide
E. deportation
 
Fanciful Definitions
This is an unusual definition of what?
It is a menagerie lion running around
the Earth through Africa.
 
Embarrassing Headlines
Which headline does not include a pun?
A. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
B. New Autos Hit Five Million
C. Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit
D. Asian Family Living in Squalor
E. Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast
 
Anagrams
The title of Samuel Butler's utopian novel, "Erewhon," is an anagram of what word?
 
Epitaphs
Which is an epitaph by Ambrose Bierce about a newspaper editor?
A. Excuse his dust.
B. He told us he was sick.
C. Old age is not for sissies.
D. God finally caught his eye.
E. Here lies Frank Pixley - as usual.
 
Curious Cuisine
What are the last two words in this extraordinary palindrome?
Go hang a salami - I'm a ...
 
Radio Repair
What word completes this Tom Swifty?
"My radio's finally fixed," said Tom ...

A. dolefully
B. profoundly
C. ravenously
D. ecstatically
E. condescendingly
 
Painful Puns
The name of what Hindu spiritual technique completes this line?
A woman with a toothache refused Novocain
because she wanted to transcend dental ...
 
Clerihews
What country completes this clerihew?
The people of Spain think Cervantes
Equal to half-a-dozen Dantes.
An opinion resented most bitterly
By most of the people of ...
 
Arithmetic Anagrams
Which combination of the same letters used in "two plus eleven" also results in the correct answer of 13?
A. four plus nine
B. three plus ten
C. five plus eight
D. six plus seven
E. one plus twelve
 
Epigrams
What word completes this depressing observation by Ogden Nash?
Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendants
Outnumber your ...
 
Anguish Languish
Translate the last three words in this moral from the fairy tale, "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut."
Yonder nor sorghum stenches shod ladle gulls
stopper torque wet strainers.
 
Anagrams
Which is the anagram of the largest creature?
A. art
B. reed
C. fowl
D. hear
E. shore

Ciphers
The Caesar cipher replaced each letter by the letter three places beyond it in the normal alphabet. Knowing this, translate this statement.
EHZDUH WKH LGHV RI PDUFK
 
Number Palindromes
The odometer on Bob's Camaro reads 94682. What is the fewest number of miles he must drive before the numbers on his odometer form a palindrome?
 
Mass Murder
"Ethnic cleansing" was a euphemism for genocide used by the Serbs in Bosnia and Kosovo. What slogan did the Nazis use for their program of extermination?
 
Oxymorons
Which is not an oxymoron?
A. planned chaos
B. macabre torture
C. trained incapacity
D. disciplined relaxation
E. sophisticated irrelevancies
 
Palindromes
What is a one-word palindrome for a small boat used by Alaskan natives?
 
 
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Answers to Wordplay
1. George Bush
2. atmosphere
3. B
4. palm
5. William Shakespeare
6. E
7. electric chair
8. D
9. icicle
10. milk
11. E
12. the Morse Code
13. B
14. the equator
15. D
16. nowhere
17. E
18. lasagna hog
19. D
20. medication
21. Italy
22. E
23. friends
24. talk with strangers
25. E
26. Beware the ides of March
27. 67
28. The Final Solution
29. B
30. kayak
 
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